i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
