just survived the first fart of the relationship.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Randomize
