go do what you do best...puke behind churches
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
do nipples grow back?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
