I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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