how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she pinky promised me she was 18
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
