Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
