I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
