I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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