Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
