i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
