bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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