I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
