I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
