Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
