Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
