Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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