this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think your dad took our porno
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
