I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
