you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's blow job season.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
