The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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