The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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