ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
