AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
