Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
