it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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