Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i will never coherently bang her
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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