Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
