just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
