how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
