Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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