He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Randomize
