took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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