glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
