So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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