We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
