Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
