i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
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