it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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