Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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