Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This house was built for laser tag.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
