It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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