I just made out with a guy for $7.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
