i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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