It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We just shotgunned beers for America
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
