stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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