Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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