he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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