She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
no you cant smoke seaweed
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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