no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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