I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The power of my boobs compel you
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
