i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
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Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌