btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
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I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
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My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me