I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
