You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
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My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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