guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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