I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
