Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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