If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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