Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
