so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My liver just had a heart attack.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
