Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
