I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
