Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
