i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
