on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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