does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize