He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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