I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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