cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
