I heard we made out
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
