I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
