he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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