ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
