In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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