im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
