no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
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I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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