You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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