physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
