We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
