Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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