Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
