just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
nutella sex= disaster
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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