Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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