I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
