i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
